The Motions (part 2 of 2)

I don't want to spend my whole life asking
What if I had given everything
Instead of going through the motions?

Recently I was contacted by a woman at MOPS wanting to know if one of my comments on their facebook page could be used in an upcoming article.  Sure!  She then followed up though with another question, what was the greatest issue I was currently facing as a Mom?  hmmm.... here's what I said: Current mothering issue: Patience - not letting the frustrations of other things in my life (i.e. running my own business) get taken out on them. Trying to make sure the get the best me, not just what's left over.

I totally didn't write that.  God wrote that through me.  I read what I had written and went whoa.  Not just what's left over...  Ouch.

So that has been rolling around in my brain, hitting some old issues, finding some new, touching a couple of nerves.  And I feel God leading me to teaching my children, to homeschooling my children.  Uhhhhh, okay.  My oldest is happy where he is and goes to a really great school, we are really blessed.  But I look at my younger two and think they could really benefit from more. 

So I got to thinking about it.  For two hours a day we can turn off the tv and the video games and the cell phones and the computers.  And we can be together and work on some things and have some fun and learn together.  And the more I think about it the less scary and hard it seems.  There are great resources out there, one I have been happily stalking is Confessions of a Homeschooler.  We have a great library where I can pick up books weekly to relate to the letter we are studying.  We can work on memory verses!  And we can even plan field trips and activities around what we are working on at home.  With an hour or two of planning a week we can do this!  I can do this.  An hour or two a week and lots of prayer that is.  Because I'm not doing this for me and I'm not doing this for my children, I'm doing this for the glory of God, by the grace of God.

So get ready for me to blog about my adventures and probably mis-adventures doing this.  And if God is calling you to do more than just the motions, listen to Him, hear what he wants, there is goodness in his glory and he will never bring you to something without bringing you through it.   

The Motions (part 1 of 2)

This might hurt, its not safe
But I know I've gotta make a change
I don't care if I break
At least I'll be feeling something 
'Cause just okay is not enough
(Matthew West - The Motions)

Let me say this, going through the motions is one of the hardest things to avoid doing.  It is so easy to get caught up in the day-to-day and just accept the "okay" and keep on keeping on.  I'm guilty of that.  I'm guilty of letting my world be small, I'm guilty of letting excuses be acceptable, I'm guilty of just putting my head down and hoping it is hard enough to get through the daily tasks with minimal damage. 

But I feel God working on my heart.  I hear him saying that its not enough.  And I know that He is right.

But its not easy.  One thing that is heavy on my heart is the need to find a church that fills me spiritually.  I know that sounds like a no-brainer and it should be.  If the church you are going to isn't meeting your needs find one that is.  When we moved here almost five years ago I didn't realize that the expectation would be for us to attend the same church that my husband's parents do.  I should have known this, I blame it on the brain loss associated with pregnancy and birth.  But while my husband easily fell back in to the routine of being in the church he was raised in I sit in church praying for my daughter to act up enough so that we can go walk the halls instead of having to listen to a sermon that does nothing for me. 

So why don't you just go to a new church?  Because I'm scared.  I'm scared of the recourse from his family, the judgment, the distance they will place, which I know sounds dramatic right?  But they are strong in their belief that their religion is the one true religion and all others are inferior.  And I've tried, I joined the Mom's group, I volunteered, I taught, but my beliefs, my ideology, does not match theirs and I do not feel at home with the people there.

But I hear the Lord.  I know He loves me.  I know that He will not put distance between us because of my choice, I know He won't judge me.  I know I am his princess and He wants me to be where He and I can have the best possible relationship.  I know that He didn't send his only Son to die so that I could make my mother-in-law happy.

Can you relate?  Is God working on your heart?  Can you hear Him but still feel scared?  uncertain? 

I feel him working on my heart, I see where he wants me to go, and Lord be with me as I jump, be my soft place to land.  Be whoever is reading this, be their soft place to land.

Can you deal?

So.  I’m sure that any of you on facebook have seen issue with the recent rash of suicides by teens that are gay and bullied.  It has gone pretty viral with some big name celebrities speaking out, bloggers speaking out, etc. 

And as a Mom I look at my three children and I pray that if they are ever in that situation that they would come to me, they would go to someone, and get help.  Because it does get better but I was a teen once too and I remember how absolute life felt, how big my emotions were. 

And then I signed in to facebook today and this was one of my “friend’s” status:

Suicide because of BULLYING? Who does that?!.....what is wrong with this generation of kids that they cannot DEAL?!

They cannot deal?  Well, what do they have to deal with? 

I think the viral nature of how youth communicates now is like nothing we experienced in school.  I had a pager, I was soooooo cool.  There was no facebook, there was no myspace, no one went out and made their own website, having an email address was a big deal at that point in the game.  Forget cell phones and text messaging, it just didn’t happen folks. 

Not anymore, if I need to talk to one of my clients who happens to be a high school senior, I text them.  I also text my husband, my mom, my dad, my friends, my clients, stores to get discounts…  information is instantaneous and easily shared with anyone. 

When I was in high school if I was bullied it was by one or two people and I saw there face, knew their name, had to sit next to them in English and pass them in the halls. 

Now anyone can put anything online.  Who  you are, who you are not, it is all fair game.  And here’s the kicker, anyone can see that information that you OR someone else posts about you and they can comment on it.  With complete anonymity.  And what they say may be the truth, it may be an utter lie.  No one is policing it, no one is preventing it from happening. 

So yeah, I get it.  Some teens cannot deal.  Because growing up is hard.  Growing up gay can only be harder.  An you know what, my heart positively breaks for how alone and degraded some of those children must feel, at a time when they’re already so confused. 

mom with camera...

So most of you are probably not deeply invested in the photography world.  I realize this.  So let me see if I a can articulately explain my thoughts...

But just like in any other industry there are the super popular rockstars, those of us happily making a living and those who wish to be super popular rockstars but fail to recognize that owning a camera no more makes you a photographer than owning a wrench makes me a mechanistic

So why do I mention this?  Because recently a fairly popular photographer turned web entrepreneur who has felt that some professional photographers are unfairly bashing the "moms with camera" crowd.  Who are the "moms with camera" crowd you ask?  Typically someone who drops a couple hundred dollars on an entry level DSLR and starts a photography business without the basic understanding of how to run a camera outside of auto.  The issue with this crowd is that they typically offer a sub-par version of the moon for peanuts undermining the entire value of profession.  It can be frustrating but honestly not something I lose sleep over. 

So what's my issue?  Not this individuals defense of Moms with Cameras, not at all.  We all need to start somewhere and Lord knows I have grown leaps and bounds in the past four years.  Is was the fact that she took issue with professional photographers and felt that she had to attack them to defend her stance.

In fact, she implied that if you were a mom and a successful professional photographer that you were ignoring your children, doing a poor job of mothering if you will.  That in fact, you could not be both and do both well. 

Whoa.  Hold the phone.

So someone who made 100K her first year in photography is telling me that because I am successful I am ignoring my children?  And that moms who don't make their photography business successful are instead better moms.  Say what? Wait a minute.

Now I don't really think this is what she meant, but she said this, I believe to make a point. 

But I found it offensive.  So you have just written in defense of the moms who are being bashed only to bash those of us who work to put food on our table for our children?

Let me just say this - mothering is hard.  Mothering is harder than being a Doctor, mothering is harder than being the President of the United States, Mothering has no job description that accurately describes what truly goes on, day in and day out, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. 

And for me personally, for me to think that I am a good mom I make an effort to spend time with my children, reading, play, having fun and loving together, I cook my family dinner 90% of the time, from scratch and I try to let them learn their own way, find their place in this world.  But some days I have to put on a movie so I can finish a project and some days we ignore work and spend the day exploring new parks and baking cookies.  I don't think that either of those things make me a good or bad mother, they are just a part of how my life fits together to make me the mother I want to be, to make me the business woman I want to be.

So ultimately I feel like I have missed something,  I have missed the do unto others part of this issue.  But this issue isn't about being a good photographer or being a good mother, and the attacks shouldn't be as such, this is about treating our fellow human beings with respect and love, something we could use a little more of.

A funny thing happened...

So a year ago I lost my best friend of 12+ years.  She didn't die, she didn't leave the country, she in fact still live about 35 minutes from my house.  A long story short I feel like I became the scapegoat in a really bad situation and now she doesn't talk to me. 

And let me tell you, it was painful.  My heart hurt for months.  I was so close to her and I thought there was no way I'd ever find a friend as wonderful and amazing as she was was.  I thought there was no way God would give me someone like that in my life again - I truly thought she was a once-in-a-lifetime friend. 

And I was right - God didn't give me a friend as amazing as she was, He gave me a whole group of them.  Friends that love me, friends that support me and make me laugh.  Friends that make me count my blessings every day. 

What an amazing reminder to trust in the Lord, be faithful, to remember that He loves us and will always provide us with what we need.  It is as the Bible says, Matthew 18:12-14, “What do you think? If a man owns a hundred sheep, and one of them wanders away, will he not leave the ninety-nine on the hills and go to look for the one that wandered off? And if he finds it, I tell you the truth, he is happier about that one sheep than about the ninety-nine that did not wander off. In the same way your Father in heaven is not willing that any of these little ones should be lost.”

Broken Hearted

Today I have a broken heart.  It is heavy.  It is sad

Days like this I do not understand.  I do not understand why one of set of friends wrote to say the birth mom wanted her baby back and they are again without a child.  I do not understand why another has given birth to one who has gone to heaven and is waiting to give birth to another so she can join her sister. 

And so God, I'm mad at you at you today but I know you're big enough to handle it.  I don't know why you did this.  I don't know what lesson we're learning from all of this.  But all I can do is pray.  Please pray with me, there are some families out there tonight who really need it. 

Facebook Isn't Real Life

I like facebook, I truly do.  It is a great social networking tool.  It is a place where I can reconnect with old friends, make new ones, post about my day, see what you're doing today, share pictures, request recommendations for piano teachers or good books to read.  It is a place where friends asks for prayer and vent about the guy who cut them off on the freeway.

 Just this week I saw what outfit my friend's daughter picked to wear to her first day of middle school, got inspired to try a bento box for my son's lunches, got photography inspiration, learned about the little boy my friends are trying to adopt and shared a good laugh over numerous quirky children-isms.

But here's the thing.  Facebook does not replace day-to-day interactions, it is not as good as hug, is does not replace lunch with the girls, it cannot be that hand to hold during the scary times, facebook cannot replace relationships.  Facebook is not real life.

So before you post something about how much your employees suck or the narrow-brained thing your husband did take a deep breath, or five.  And ask yourself, are you replacing real life with a facebook post?  Are your employees your friends?  Is your spouse your friend?  Are your children your friend?  Would you say what you just posted to their face if they were standing in front of you?

Because friend, facebook is not real life.