The Motions (part 1 of 2)

This might hurt, its not safe
But I know I've gotta make a change
I don't care if I break
At least I'll be feeling something 
'Cause just okay is not enough
(Matthew West - The Motions)

Let me say this, going through the motions is one of the hardest things to avoid doing.  It is so easy to get caught up in the day-to-day and just accept the "okay" and keep on keeping on.  I'm guilty of that.  I'm guilty of letting my world be small, I'm guilty of letting excuses be acceptable, I'm guilty of just putting my head down and hoping it is hard enough to get through the daily tasks with minimal damage. 

But I feel God working on my heart.  I hear him saying that its not enough.  And I know that He is right.

But its not easy.  One thing that is heavy on my heart is the need to find a church that fills me spiritually.  I know that sounds like a no-brainer and it should be.  If the church you are going to isn't meeting your needs find one that is.  When we moved here almost five years ago I didn't realize that the expectation would be for us to attend the same church that my husband's parents do.  I should have known this, I blame it on the brain loss associated with pregnancy and birth.  But while my husband easily fell back in to the routine of being in the church he was raised in I sit in church praying for my daughter to act up enough so that we can go walk the halls instead of having to listen to a sermon that does nothing for me. 

So why don't you just go to a new church?  Because I'm scared.  I'm scared of the recourse from his family, the judgment, the distance they will place, which I know sounds dramatic right?  But they are strong in their belief that their religion is the one true religion and all others are inferior.  And I've tried, I joined the Mom's group, I volunteered, I taught, but my beliefs, my ideology, does not match theirs and I do not feel at home with the people there.

But I hear the Lord.  I know He loves me.  I know that He will not put distance between us because of my choice, I know He won't judge me.  I know I am his princess and He wants me to be where He and I can have the best possible relationship.  I know that He didn't send his only Son to die so that I could make my mother-in-law happy.

Can you relate?  Is God working on your heart?  Can you hear Him but still feel scared?  uncertain? 

I feel him working on my heart, I see where he wants me to go, and Lord be with me as I jump, be my soft place to land.  Be whoever is reading this, be their soft place to land.