the best laid plans...

What's the saying?  The best laid plans of mice and men? 


Today we were going to start homeschooling with the letter A and an apple theme.  Books were ready, activities set.  Yup, that's what we were going to do. 

Until I drove my middle son to the ER at midnight due to an asthma attack we couldn't couldn't control.  And then had to stay there for three hours free and clear of symptoms before we were allowed to go home. 

Thank God, he's okay.  Asthma is scary and frustrating.  The ER is scary and frustrating, especially about 2:30 a.m. 

But he's tired today, and super croaky.  And he didn't have any energy and neither did I. 

But it's okay but today made me realize a couple of things.  Being at the ER stunk but at no point was I worried about either having to call in to work the next morning or how tired I would be the next day.  Or having to pay for childcare days I couldn't use because he was sick.  Or taking him somewhere where he'd be exposed to more germs and potentially make him sicker while his immune system was already down. 

Nope, none of those thoughts crossed my mind because family comes first right now.  And I love that.  I cannot go back in twenty years and give my children the childhood I wished I had given them, now is the time, the only time, I have to do it right, the way I want to, the way they want me to. 

Because it is on the good days that we make memories, it is on the bad that we use those memories to heal our hurts. 

Giving presents vs being present

I'm a huge fan of just spending time with my kiddos, I think is insanely important and just as much a gift to me as it is to them.  And I know that in 20 years my son isn't going to say, "so my mom got me haggrid's hut lego set for Christmas when I was 8 and it was AWESOME, she is the best mom ever".  However, I'd like to think he'll remember the time we spent together and the traditions that we did year after year.

So a few years ago my husband and I set up a few "rules" about Christmas to try and make it more about the time together than what's under the tree.  We only give each kid (and each other) three presents.  1. Something you want 2. Something you need 3. All five of us draw each other's names and pick a special present for that person, that gets the kids involved and thinking about other people and then of course Santa always brings something too but I cannot control that man, I mean really, who can so what he does is his business.

http://twelvecraftstillchristmas.blogspot.com/

And while that is all great fun I'd like to start including more tradition type activities in to our life.  So I think Elf on a Shelf will be making an appearance this year and making mischief for the month of December.  And I'd like to dedicate one day in December to making the same thing every year, i.e. popcorn balls, cookies, something, and then have the kids wrap and give them out every year to teachers, neighbor's etc.  (something we've done in the past but never the same thing, making a day of it, etc.)

So with traditions fresh on my brain I was wicked excited when one of my very favorite blogs, Telve Crafts Till Christmas, announced that for the next two weeks or so she will be having guest bloggers share their family's traditions!  I encourage you to stop by, read up and maybe you'll find something just for your family.  






So, what's your tradition?

Gratitude - days 2 - 5

I knew it was too much to think that I could keep up here, so I will catch up instead:

Day 2
Today I am thankful for brothers.

Crossing the street today my hands were full with groceries and J.  The boys took each other's hand to cross the road without having to be told, without complaining, they just did it.  I am blessed that my kids have such a good relationship.

Day 3
Today I am thankful for my dog, for as much as he drives me up the wall with his bad habits and his general mischievousness, he truly is a good dog.  He's funny and spunky.  But most of all he loves each kid to pieces, he is amazing with them and super loyal to each of them.  If they are having a bad day, are sick or just need some general love he is there.  And if they chase him around, pull his tail and generally annoy him, he is still there.

Day 4
Today I am thankful friends.  I am thankful for old friends, I am thankful for new friends.  I am thankful for friends that I see all the time and friends that I never get to see.

I have one of the most amazing bunch of friends, they come from all walks of life, more often than not they have children, but not all of them.  Some are older than me, some are younger.  Some work, some stay home, some do one and wish they were doing the other.  Some have husbands, some do not.  Some have watched my children for me.  Some have seen how messy my house can get and don't care.  Some have brought me meals to celebrate births or help out during a hard time.  Some shoulder's I have cried on, some have cried on mine.  Some I've prayed with, all I've laughed with.  We've gone shopping together, we've knitted together, we've made our children play together so we could have some adult time.  Some I've volunteered with, some I've worked with.  You've helped me when I'm trying to raise awareness or money or something else for a cause.  You've bought school fundraisers from my children.

But what makes each and every one of you amazing and such a blessing in my life is that at your core is a phenomenal women, with a loving, supportive, awesome heart.   At your core is someone I strive to be.

I love you guys, thanks for loving on me.

Day 5
Today I am thankful humor.  Humor gets me through most situations, anyone who knows me knows I love to poke fun at things.  It is just who I am.  But I especially love that which shouldn't be funny yet is (Headlines anyone?)

Today John was sexing the mic, they're getting a little frisky and we needed to separate the genders.  (for anyone who doesn't know we are on our third litter, littler 2 and 3 are from sister from the first litter and only 3 days apart in age, we currently have 13 babies)  We looked last week but didn't separate because they were still nursing.  Well the boys are naughty and feisty and one bit John.  To which John instinctively flipped his hand and shot this poor little mouse in to the pantry.  T caught the baby no problem and he was fine.

So today John brings out the babies to officially sex them and J tells him in her 2 year old wisdom, "Don't drop baby mice over there (pointing at the pantry) k dad?"

30 days of gratitude

So I've started a project on facebook - 30 days of gratitude, I thought I would try to keep up with it here too, but no promises! 

Today I am thankful that back rubs are still much loved activities in my house and that they cure boo-boos as well as put little ones to sleep.  There is something so therapeutic about rubbing a little one's back, for both of us.   

When my daughter fell asleep in my lap while I was rubbing her back today it also gave me time to think.  I'm excited to start homeschooling.  We're going to start next week, I've purchased calendars and letter and number posters, I've checked out a bunch of books for the letter A from the library as well as some general resources about homeschooling.  I purchased a rockin A-Z curriculum from Confessions of a Homeschooler for only $10!  Seriously, even if you don't homeschool but have young kiddos at home $10 is a wicked good deal!  I'm going to try to sew each kiddo their own pillow to sit on while we do calendar and cuddle on while we read together. 

I also looked at fun things at Micheal's that I want to get but I didn't have my 40% off coupon because my Sunday paper was delivered yesterday - dude!

The Motions (part 2 of 2)

I don't want to spend my whole life asking
What if I had given everything
Instead of going through the motions?

Recently I was contacted by a woman at MOPS wanting to know if one of my comments on their facebook page could be used in an upcoming article.  Sure!  She then followed up though with another question, what was the greatest issue I was currently facing as a Mom?  hmmm.... here's what I said: Current mothering issue: Patience - not letting the frustrations of other things in my life (i.e. running my own business) get taken out on them. Trying to make sure the get the best me, not just what's left over.

I totally didn't write that.  God wrote that through me.  I read what I had written and went whoa.  Not just what's left over...  Ouch.

So that has been rolling around in my brain, hitting some old issues, finding some new, touching a couple of nerves.  And I feel God leading me to teaching my children, to homeschooling my children.  Uhhhhh, okay.  My oldest is happy where he is and goes to a really great school, we are really blessed.  But I look at my younger two and think they could really benefit from more. 

So I got to thinking about it.  For two hours a day we can turn off the tv and the video games and the cell phones and the computers.  And we can be together and work on some things and have some fun and learn together.  And the more I think about it the less scary and hard it seems.  There are great resources out there, one I have been happily stalking is Confessions of a Homeschooler.  We have a great library where I can pick up books weekly to relate to the letter we are studying.  We can work on memory verses!  And we can even plan field trips and activities around what we are working on at home.  With an hour or two of planning a week we can do this!  I can do this.  An hour or two a week and lots of prayer that is.  Because I'm not doing this for me and I'm not doing this for my children, I'm doing this for the glory of God, by the grace of God.

So get ready for me to blog about my adventures and probably mis-adventures doing this.  And if God is calling you to do more than just the motions, listen to Him, hear what he wants, there is goodness in his glory and he will never bring you to something without bringing you through it.   

The Motions (part 1 of 2)

This might hurt, its not safe
But I know I've gotta make a change
I don't care if I break
At least I'll be feeling something 
'Cause just okay is not enough
(Matthew West - The Motions)

Let me say this, going through the motions is one of the hardest things to avoid doing.  It is so easy to get caught up in the day-to-day and just accept the "okay" and keep on keeping on.  I'm guilty of that.  I'm guilty of letting my world be small, I'm guilty of letting excuses be acceptable, I'm guilty of just putting my head down and hoping it is hard enough to get through the daily tasks with minimal damage. 

But I feel God working on my heart.  I hear him saying that its not enough.  And I know that He is right.

But its not easy.  One thing that is heavy on my heart is the need to find a church that fills me spiritually.  I know that sounds like a no-brainer and it should be.  If the church you are going to isn't meeting your needs find one that is.  When we moved here almost five years ago I didn't realize that the expectation would be for us to attend the same church that my husband's parents do.  I should have known this, I blame it on the brain loss associated with pregnancy and birth.  But while my husband easily fell back in to the routine of being in the church he was raised in I sit in church praying for my daughter to act up enough so that we can go walk the halls instead of having to listen to a sermon that does nothing for me. 

So why don't you just go to a new church?  Because I'm scared.  I'm scared of the recourse from his family, the judgment, the distance they will place, which I know sounds dramatic right?  But they are strong in their belief that their religion is the one true religion and all others are inferior.  And I've tried, I joined the Mom's group, I volunteered, I taught, but my beliefs, my ideology, does not match theirs and I do not feel at home with the people there.

But I hear the Lord.  I know He loves me.  I know that He will not put distance between us because of my choice, I know He won't judge me.  I know I am his princess and He wants me to be where He and I can have the best possible relationship.  I know that He didn't send his only Son to die so that I could make my mother-in-law happy.

Can you relate?  Is God working on your heart?  Can you hear Him but still feel scared?  uncertain? 

I feel him working on my heart, I see where he wants me to go, and Lord be with me as I jump, be my soft place to land.  Be whoever is reading this, be their soft place to land.

Can you deal?

So.  I’m sure that any of you on facebook have seen issue with the recent rash of suicides by teens that are gay and bullied.  It has gone pretty viral with some big name celebrities speaking out, bloggers speaking out, etc. 

And as a Mom I look at my three children and I pray that if they are ever in that situation that they would come to me, they would go to someone, and get help.  Because it does get better but I was a teen once too and I remember how absolute life felt, how big my emotions were. 

And then I signed in to facebook today and this was one of my “friend’s” status:

Suicide because of BULLYING? Who does that?!.....what is wrong with this generation of kids that they cannot DEAL?!

They cannot deal?  Well, what do they have to deal with? 

I think the viral nature of how youth communicates now is like nothing we experienced in school.  I had a pager, I was soooooo cool.  There was no facebook, there was no myspace, no one went out and made their own website, having an email address was a big deal at that point in the game.  Forget cell phones and text messaging, it just didn’t happen folks. 

Not anymore, if I need to talk to one of my clients who happens to be a high school senior, I text them.  I also text my husband, my mom, my dad, my friends, my clients, stores to get discounts…  information is instantaneous and easily shared with anyone. 

When I was in high school if I was bullied it was by one or two people and I saw there face, knew their name, had to sit next to them in English and pass them in the halls. 

Now anyone can put anything online.  Who  you are, who you are not, it is all fair game.  And here’s the kicker, anyone can see that information that you OR someone else posts about you and they can comment on it.  With complete anonymity.  And what they say may be the truth, it may be an utter lie.  No one is policing it, no one is preventing it from happening. 

So yeah, I get it.  Some teens cannot deal.  Because growing up is hard.  Growing up gay can only be harder.  An you know what, my heart positively breaks for how alone and degraded some of those children must feel, at a time when they’re already so confused.