mom with camera...

So most of you are probably not deeply invested in the photography world.  I realize this.  So let me see if I a can articulately explain my thoughts...

But just like in any other industry there are the super popular rockstars, those of us happily making a living and those who wish to be super popular rockstars but fail to recognize that owning a camera no more makes you a photographer than owning a wrench makes me a mechanistic

So why do I mention this?  Because recently a fairly popular photographer turned web entrepreneur who has felt that some professional photographers are unfairly bashing the "moms with camera" crowd.  Who are the "moms with camera" crowd you ask?  Typically someone who drops a couple hundred dollars on an entry level DSLR and starts a photography business without the basic understanding of how to run a camera outside of auto.  The issue with this crowd is that they typically offer a sub-par version of the moon for peanuts undermining the entire value of profession.  It can be frustrating but honestly not something I lose sleep over. 

So what's my issue?  Not this individuals defense of Moms with Cameras, not at all.  We all need to start somewhere and Lord knows I have grown leaps and bounds in the past four years.  Is was the fact that she took issue with professional photographers and felt that she had to attack them to defend her stance.

In fact, she implied that if you were a mom and a successful professional photographer that you were ignoring your children, doing a poor job of mothering if you will.  That in fact, you could not be both and do both well. 

Whoa.  Hold the phone.

So someone who made 100K her first year in photography is telling me that because I am successful I am ignoring my children?  And that moms who don't make their photography business successful are instead better moms.  Say what? Wait a minute.

Now I don't really think this is what she meant, but she said this, I believe to make a point. 

But I found it offensive.  So you have just written in defense of the moms who are being bashed only to bash those of us who work to put food on our table for our children?

Let me just say this - mothering is hard.  Mothering is harder than being a Doctor, mothering is harder than being the President of the United States, Mothering has no job description that accurately describes what truly goes on, day in and day out, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. 

And for me personally, for me to think that I am a good mom I make an effort to spend time with my children, reading, play, having fun and loving together, I cook my family dinner 90% of the time, from scratch and I try to let them learn their own way, find their place in this world.  But some days I have to put on a movie so I can finish a project and some days we ignore work and spend the day exploring new parks and baking cookies.  I don't think that either of those things make me a good or bad mother, they are just a part of how my life fits together to make me the mother I want to be, to make me the business woman I want to be.

So ultimately I feel like I have missed something,  I have missed the do unto others part of this issue.  But this issue isn't about being a good photographer or being a good mother, and the attacks shouldn't be as such, this is about treating our fellow human beings with respect and love, something we could use a little more of.

A funny thing happened...

So a year ago I lost my best friend of 12+ years.  She didn't die, she didn't leave the country, she in fact still live about 35 minutes from my house.  A long story short I feel like I became the scapegoat in a really bad situation and now she doesn't talk to me. 

And let me tell you, it was painful.  My heart hurt for months.  I was so close to her and I thought there was no way I'd ever find a friend as wonderful and amazing as she was was.  I thought there was no way God would give me someone like that in my life again - I truly thought she was a once-in-a-lifetime friend. 

And I was right - God didn't give me a friend as amazing as she was, He gave me a whole group of them.  Friends that love me, friends that support me and make me laugh.  Friends that make me count my blessings every day. 

What an amazing reminder to trust in the Lord, be faithful, to remember that He loves us and will always provide us with what we need.  It is as the Bible says, Matthew 18:12-14, “What do you think? If a man owns a hundred sheep, and one of them wanders away, will he not leave the ninety-nine on the hills and go to look for the one that wandered off? And if he finds it, I tell you the truth, he is happier about that one sheep than about the ninety-nine that did not wander off. In the same way your Father in heaven is not willing that any of these little ones should be lost.”

Broken Hearted

Today I have a broken heart.  It is heavy.  It is sad

Days like this I do not understand.  I do not understand why one of set of friends wrote to say the birth mom wanted her baby back and they are again without a child.  I do not understand why another has given birth to one who has gone to heaven and is waiting to give birth to another so she can join her sister. 

And so God, I'm mad at you at you today but I know you're big enough to handle it.  I don't know why you did this.  I don't know what lesson we're learning from all of this.  But all I can do is pray.  Please pray with me, there are some families out there tonight who really need it. 

Facebook Isn't Real Life

I like facebook, I truly do.  It is a great social networking tool.  It is a place where I can reconnect with old friends, make new ones, post about my day, see what you're doing today, share pictures, request recommendations for piano teachers or good books to read.  It is a place where friends asks for prayer and vent about the guy who cut them off on the freeway.

 Just this week I saw what outfit my friend's daughter picked to wear to her first day of middle school, got inspired to try a bento box for my son's lunches, got photography inspiration, learned about the little boy my friends are trying to adopt and shared a good laugh over numerous quirky children-isms.

But here's the thing.  Facebook does not replace day-to-day interactions, it is not as good as hug, is does not replace lunch with the girls, it cannot be that hand to hold during the scary times, facebook cannot replace relationships.  Facebook is not real life.

So before you post something about how much your employees suck or the narrow-brained thing your husband did take a deep breath, or five.  And ask yourself, are you replacing real life with a facebook post?  Are your employees your friends?  Is your spouse your friend?  Are your children your friend?  Would you say what you just posted to their face if they were standing in front of you?

Because friend, facebook is not real life.

Adventures in Potty Training

So, are you a mom who has had potty training adventures and misadventures?   I thought you would enjoy this




Today we went to the park and four year old had to go potty.  Now I despise public restrooms, I just do and the thought of a port-o-potty, especially one where I've watched numerous construction workers stop and use, bleech. 

So I said "okay buddy, just go pee on the tree" because there is no one else at the park. Following directions mildly well my son walks over to the grass, drops drawers and just pees in the grass, which is fine until I realize hiding behind a tree is a truck with some guy in it getting ready to use the potty and while we can barely see him he has full view of my son relieving himself. I laughed so hard. 

And of course not to be outdone my daughter tells me 20 minutes later she has to go potty in the grass. So making sure there's really no one there she gets naked from the waist down, holds her imaginary penis and pees in the grass too. Some day I will miss these days.

Making Agreements

I'm currently reading "Walking with God" by John Eldredge.  It is a fantastic book, it truly is.  I am writing in the margins, underling, starring things.  I love it. 

One things that the book talks about is agreements, or I have started calling them consessions, that we have made with the enemy.  Now stay with me, even if you're not a Christian I bet you can relate to what I'm about to say. 

These consessions are the things we say to ourselves in our head, maybe they're what keep us up at night and maybe you don't even know we've entered in to it. 

Can you relate to any of these?
I'll never have any friends, I'm not outgoing enough.
If I just lost 10lbs people would like me.
I will never get the promotion at work, I'm just not good enough. 
Its okay to be treated badly by this person, they've had it rough, they don't know any better. 

And the Enemy wants you to make these consessions, because the more you do the father from God you become.  And even if you don't believe in God, can you honestly say that these thoughts, ideas, beliefs, are doing you any good?  Making you feel any better about yourself?  

I realized this week that over the past four years I have been making an agreement.  That "friends" that treat you badly are better than no friends at all.  I'm so worried that I'll be alone, that no one will like me, that I've been putting up with people that don't hold the same ideals as me, that don't respect me, because I had made the assumption that it was better than the alternative.

But suddenly this week (and maybe longer) I'm starting to notice things in a different light.  That email that pokes fun at a tradegy, not funny.  The assertion that just because someone hates her husband or being around her children that everyone must, not true and frankly insulting.  The need to drink until drunk at every event, not enjoyable, not how I want to spend my time. 

The even bigger awakening?  I have friends, I have amazing, wonderful, wouldn't trade for the world, would do anything for friends.  That I don't have to have this person or her followers in my life and I will be okay.  So I did it, I cut the strings that tied me to her and I feel so free. 

Have you felt freedom recently?

Finding Joy vs Finding Fillers

Do you have joyous people in your life?  You know the ones that are just so passionate about something, so filled with joy about something, so full of life?  I have been blessed with many people like that in my lives, people that are passionate about God, people who are passionate about their nonprofit, people who are passionate about their children, and even people who are happy just because.  And being around these people is awe inspiring, and it is encouraging, and it fills your cup with that something-something that you need.

And then there are people out there that seem so full of life but when you get past their exterior you realize they're just creating a life full of fillers.  They're not happy, they haven't found their joy, and at the end of the day they have to project that unhappiness on to you because they just don't know any other way.  They're unhappy in their marriage, their kids drive them nuts all the time, they hate their job, and because of that YOU must be unhappy in your marriage too, and YOUR kids must drive you nuts too, and YOU must hate your job too.

And so instead of finding joy in their life, they find fillers.  They fill their life up with unimportant, potentially harmful things they leave them completely empty.  They drink.  They shop.  They step out on a spouse.  They watch too much t.v.  They eat too much.  They spend too much. But they never stop and ask what would truly make them happy.

And they're not just unhappy, they want you to be unhappy too.  They must project their fillers, their unhappiness, their insecurities on to you.  Because if their husband isn't helpful, then how could yours be?  And if they're not happy being home with their children how can you be?  Having multiple children close in ages overwhelms them, you must not be able to handle it.

Now don't get me wrong, I don't have a perfect marriage, my kids drive me nuts, I like to watch t.v. sometimes or go shopping and buy something I LOVE but don't need.  But at my core, what fills my cup are my children, are my friends, is reading the word of God, of loving and being loved.

And I ask what is filling your cup?