Tugging my heart...

So at home I've been "homeschooling" my two younger ones.  Doing preschool activities based off a letter each week, or two weeks as it seems to be turning out.  We have stretched each letter in to two weeks of fun as neither of them have been ready to move on after just one week. 

And as I do this the more I question what we're doing with our kids.  Our oldest goes to a public magnet school and is enrolled in a gifted program with all gifted students.  He's functioning 1 - 3 grade levels above his "age" grade and yet I don't feel he's being pushed to soar.  My middle still attends preschool three mornings a week and was really why homeschooling was laid on my heart.  The more he goes the more I feel we're wasting our money on mediocrity.  This year has been hard, nothing like last year, and I sit and dream about what I could do with that $170 a month and how I could teach him (and his sister) with it.  I'm tempted to pull him out of school every day. 

And then we have days like we did just the other day.  There was snow on the ground, not a lot, but a dusting.  So we read books, we did puzzles, we played matching games and pattern games, we colored pictures and then I pulled out the beads and we made necklaces.  Wouldn't you know it, my 4 (5 in a week!) year old spend 45 minutes beading!  45 minutes!  What? The boy that they told me they have a hard time getting to complete projects and they wished he'd be more creative?  And that morning sure seemed like a perfect school day.

So I did the only logical thing, I went to our library and checked out every book under the sun about homeschooling.  Currently I'm reading Love in a Time of Homeschooling and I love it.  She is speaking to my heart.  She is funny and real, honest about she got there and not belligerent for or against homeschooling or public schooling. 

And while I don't know what I'm going to do I know there is a lot on my heart and on my mind.  My oldest is okay in public school but I look at his homework and what he's not learning and I question if there isn't more out there for him.  I look at my middle who not only is marching to his own beat but he's making up a song to go along to that beat along the way and I wonder if he can not just thrive but even survive in full day kindergarten next year.  And then there's my daughter, she's smart as a tack and super headstrong.  (no clue where that stubborn nature came from... ha.) And I'm watching her carefully wondering what will be best for her.  For any of them.  Praying for God's guidance and love on this one. 

Are you homeschooling?  Are you contemplating it?  What are your reasons?  What is on your heart?