Getting the nod

My husband has finally recognized that I truly am intent on homeschooling my son for kindergarten next year instead of sending him to the same school our 8 year old goes to. 

So my plans have begun to intensify (as has my doubts and worry!  yikes)

I looked at Sonlight Curriculum on a very sound recommendation, unfortunately it lives outside my budget. 

I then researched Abeka but it didn't speak to me.  It is very heavy in worksheets and that doesn't speak to me and what I'm trying to get him away from.

Which lead my search to My Father's World which I think looks really great but I have heard is weak in phonics, especially for younger grades.  I am still leaning towards this system though and thinking I may just supplement with phonetic learning options.

What I think I am figuring out is that no system is perfect and the truly complete ones are also the most expensive ones.  My search is still young and I will keep looking but that's what I have so far. 

Christmas

So Christmas is in two days and I am thrilled, I love Christmas, I love the season.  And I love that I'm feeling completely relaxed and at ease with everything.  Presents are wrapped, meals are planned, we could do nothing for the next two days and everything would be okay.  We won't.  But we could. 

This morning we had to run to the local Kroger, we were out of sugar.  Buddy our elf used the last of it for making snow angels last night.  Which is fine.  But you cannot make cookies for Santa without sugar.  So off to the store we went. 

We just needed sugar, no other pressures or expectations.  Of course I picked up other random things like juice and some frozen pizzas for lunch per the request of my smalls. 

So as we wandered the aisles in no particular hurry or rush I was struck that we were not the norm.  Parents were yelling at their children.  People were cutting other people off to get to the stuff they needed.  Pleasantries were dead.

So in this time of craziness as you worry about Christmas dinner or that last present or whatever else may drive you drink my wish for you is time to enjoy the true meaning of the Christmas season.  God bless you and your family now and throughout the year.

When they saw the star, they were filled with joy! They entered the house and saw the child with his mother, Mary, and they bowed down and worshiped him. Then they opened their treasure chests and gave him gifts of gold, frankincense, and myrrh ~ Matthew 2:10-11

Tugging my heart...

So at home I've been "homeschooling" my two younger ones.  Doing preschool activities based off a letter each week, or two weeks as it seems to be turning out.  We have stretched each letter in to two weeks of fun as neither of them have been ready to move on after just one week. 

And as I do this the more I question what we're doing with our kids.  Our oldest goes to a public magnet school and is enrolled in a gifted program with all gifted students.  He's functioning 1 - 3 grade levels above his "age" grade and yet I don't feel he's being pushed to soar.  My middle still attends preschool three mornings a week and was really why homeschooling was laid on my heart.  The more he goes the more I feel we're wasting our money on mediocrity.  This year has been hard, nothing like last year, and I sit and dream about what I could do with that $170 a month and how I could teach him (and his sister) with it.  I'm tempted to pull him out of school every day. 

And then we have days like we did just the other day.  There was snow on the ground, not a lot, but a dusting.  So we read books, we did puzzles, we played matching games and pattern games, we colored pictures and then I pulled out the beads and we made necklaces.  Wouldn't you know it, my 4 (5 in a week!) year old spend 45 minutes beading!  45 minutes!  What? The boy that they told me they have a hard time getting to complete projects and they wished he'd be more creative?  And that morning sure seemed like a perfect school day.

So I did the only logical thing, I went to our library and checked out every book under the sun about homeschooling.  Currently I'm reading Love in a Time of Homeschooling and I love it.  She is speaking to my heart.  She is funny and real, honest about she got there and not belligerent for or against homeschooling or public schooling. 

And while I don't know what I'm going to do I know there is a lot on my heart and on my mind.  My oldest is okay in public school but I look at his homework and what he's not learning and I question if there isn't more out there for him.  I look at my middle who not only is marching to his own beat but he's making up a song to go along to that beat along the way and I wonder if he can not just thrive but even survive in full day kindergarten next year.  And then there's my daughter, she's smart as a tack and super headstrong.  (no clue where that stubborn nature came from... ha.) And I'm watching her carefully wondering what will be best for her.  For any of them.  Praying for God's guidance and love on this one. 

Are you homeschooling?  Are you contemplating it?  What are your reasons?  What is on your heart?

Simple Celebration

There are few things I love as much as I love simply being with my children.  This evening we turned off the t.v., turned on some Christmas music and made popcorn.

We threaded some string on tapestry needles because they're not as sharp pointy as other needles.

And we made popcorn and cranberry (or friendberry as my daughter calls them) garland

To not call it bliss would be a lie.  The kids loved it.  We loved it.  And we spent an hour doing it!  Yes an hour just hanging out, laughing and chatting.

and threading cranberries and popcorn on string

And because we were worried our sweet little dog would be inclined to try to munch on our creations we decided to hang them on our Charlie Brown tree outside for our bird friends.

Teacher Gifts

If your family is anything like ours you have a ton of teachers, we have school teachers, we have Sunday school teachers, we have activity teachers...  all-in-all this year we counted 10. 

So the question became, as it always is, what will we get them for the holidays?  I've always thought that giftcards are nice, because it allows them to get a cup of coffee or buy a book or whatever.  But even if we did $5 a person we were looking at $50 which was about double what I wanted to spend.  Cookies are always fun but I don't have the time this year to spend a couple days dedicated to baking, I wish I did but I don't.

So that put me on the search for a fun gift that was also affordable.  That's when I came across this recipe in Everyday by Martha Stewart.    Now normally I find Martha's recipes a little more than I like to swallow, a few too many steps or a few too many exotic ingredients that I can't find or cost too much. 

But this recipe was FOUR, yes FOUR ingredients, two of which being salt and a cinnamon stick.  So I purchased the apples and pears and got to work.  Now I doubled this recipe and boy am I glad I did, because even doubling it I only yielded nine jars full. 

The steps are pretty easy, peel and core both the apples and pears.  My apple corer nicely did that for me with the apples, sadly the pears were too soft.  Chop up in the food processor and then cook in your slow cooker all day!  Not hard at all!!!!  And let me tell you, my house smelled YUMMY! 

While I was sad that I only got nine jars I was very pleased with the simplicity of this project and the final project.  We now have nice handmade presents to hand out to everyone and we didn't break the bank making them.

I like showing my kids that Christmas isn't about the biggest, the most expensive, the best - it is about sharing Jesus' love and celebrating and what better way than with a homemade gift that says I value you and what you do and I show that by giving you my time to make some from the heart. 

Christmas Craft Preschool Activities

Erica over at Confessions of a Homeschooler has done it again.  She has an amazing bunch of Christmas activities to do with your little ones.  My younger two love her stuff so I'm excited to get these printed and do them! 


The best part? She lets you download the entire Christmas set for FREE!  What are you waiting for?  Head on over!!!! 

Dissecting Dinner

Dinner is tricky one.  And seems to only get trickier as my children get older. 

I'm a firm believer in the family meal.  I enjoy sitting down my husband and children and chatting about our day over dinner.  However it hardly ever works out June Cleaver style around here. 

3 nights a week my husband isn't even home from work until 7:30 - too late for the kiddos. 

4 nights a week we have "after school" activities that start at 5:15. 

Yet 7 nights a week I am expected to cook. 

And 7 nights a week we all sit down as a family, 3 nights minus Daddy, and eat dinner together.

That's why I'm always so amazed, if we can make dinner work and eat something homemade and healthy for us, why is it so hard for other families?

So here's what I've learned works and doesn't work for making family dinner a priority.

1. PLAN.  If I sat down at 4 p.m. every day and went "huh, I wonder what's for dinner" this would never work.  I plan out meals for at least two weeks, sometimes a month.  I know some people that actually write down on each day what they're having, that doesn't work for me because I like to pick what I'm in the mood for, but I do plan two-weeks worth of menus.

2. SHOP. And then I shop for those two weeks.  So that way on Tuesday morning I can get up, see chili on my menu list, think it sounds good and know that I have all the ingredients to make it for that night.

3. PREPARE.  Notice in number 2 I said "morning" not mid-afternoon, not evening, but morning.  That's right, I do the majority of my cooking in the morning.  Because I have time to do it then, I have the energy to do and then it is ready at dinner time.  I don't know about your house but 4 - 5 p.m. is insane in our home.  Not to mention the fact that I then have to have children somewhere at 5:15 four nights a week.  So by making it at 10 a.m. all I have to do is reheat or finish cooking the item when we get home at 6.  And let me tell you, I much less inclined to want to grab fast food for my family when dinner is already done.  Does this work for every dish?  No.  But do as much prep ahead of time as you can.

4. SLOW.  This ties in to number 3.  I love my crockpot.  I really do.  It makes life so. much. easier.  I suggest picking up a good quality crockpot recipe book and use it often.  My favorite is "How to Make Love and Dinner At the Same Time" which was recently put back in print.   She breaks the recipes up in to three types so you know how long they'll take you to make and her anecdotal humor is fun. 

5. FORGIVE.  I am not perfect.  You are not perfect.  Having dinner as a family is not perfect.  Are there days when we eat out?  Of course.  Are there days when my kids have happy meals in the car?  You betcha?  Are there days when I feed my kids mac-n-cheese and then send my husband out after food once they're asleep?  Yup.

My goal is not to be 100%, that is impossible and besides it would mean I was cooking every day of my life!  No thank you!  My goal is to have quality time as a family.  To eat a meal together and enjoy each other's company.  My goal is to feed my children good food most of the time. 

And it can be done, with a little planning and preparation and a sense of humor doesn't hurt either. 

only child in a big family

I am an only child.  Well... technically I have step brothers and sisters but being that I haven't even met one of them and they became "family" after I was of the age of 18 I don't think they count as siblings. 

On the other hand my husband is the youngest of five.  Needless to say family gatherings are a little different at his house than mine.  I still remember our first Christmas at his house, we were engaged, and present opening was a free for all.  If it had your name on it just rip it open because no one was going to wait to see you open it and your reaction.  I remember commenting how different it was from what I was use to and one of his family members snapping at me, "you better get use to it" 

I cannot lie, after 10 years of marriage I am still not "use to it".  Sure I've adapted to their traditions but I still don't like that Thanksgiving takes place at three different tables in three different rooms or that the grandchildren are expected to spend the night at the grandparent's house multiple nights in a row inevitably exhausting them and making the majority of them sick. 

But there's a flip side to it too.  I've come to enjoy the laughs that are shared as more and more wine is shared.  I've enjoyed watching the friendships that my children have created with their cousins.  And even if I'm no where near good enough to play LOTR trivial pursuit, Mt. Doom will forever live in my heart. 

And so it is what it is.  Not always easy, not always fun or comfortable, but in the end it is family and they are a huge blessing.  And I think it is pretty indicative of life.  There are things that our Lord wants us to do that are not always easy, or fun, or comfortable, but it is for him and his kingdom, and in the end we are better people for it. 

And as I look at the people around me I wonder how many will ride this wave of hard times with us and how many will refuse to sit at three different tables?  How many will stick around and accept what it is because we're family and that love should conquer all other trivial issues we may have?

Make a Difference Mon... Tuesday?

Anyone who listens to K-Love knows they do Make A Difference Monday where they encourage you to do something to make a difference in the life of someone else - it can be something big, it can be something small, just do something. 

So a few weeks ago a single mom posted how she is out of work but that her son is really in to trains and how she'd like to get him a train set for Christmas.  I didn't really think anything of it.  Easy to just look away right?  But then a week or two later it hit me, duh, we have a Geotrax set in our basement, collecting dust.  My kids haven't played with it in months (years?) but it still works great.  I've thought about selling it but haven't.  And by then I couldn't find that email, maybe I didn't try hard enough (sorry Lord, that's my fault) but it was on my heart and I didn't find it - ugh!

She just posted again (thank you Lord!) so we've been emailing and she's super excited to give this set to her son for Christmas!  And I'm super excited to give it to her! 

So today I challenge, encourage, suggest, implore of you to try to do something, anything, to make a difference in the life of someone.  Call an old friend, your grandma, pay for someone's starbucks, say you're sorry, give money to a favorite charity, invite your ex-mother-in-law to your child's play, read a book or two with your child, anything.  Make a difference and see what a difference it makes in your life. 

God is Awesome!

Yesterday there was much excitement among my friends.  Our good friend gave birth to her miracle baby girl at 31 weeks.  Both momma and baby are doing great!  Sadly however our friend lost her daughter's twin back in August at 19 weeks and that sweet little angel will never be forgotten. 

There is a local jeweler here in Colorado that makes remembrance necklaces, Bugaboo Jewelry and she is having a giveaway on The Hand That Rocks the Cradle.  I would love to win one for my good friend because I think it would be an awesome gift to celebrate both of her little girls.  If you or someone you knows has lost a precious little one I would encourage you to head over to this giveaway as well. 

blocking black friday

Have you ever read the book The Five Love Languages?  If you haven't I highly recommend it.  It is a fabulous book about how different people give and perceive love in different ways.  For me my love language is gifts.  Which my husband has had a hard time with, he hears gifts and he hears materialism.  Which isn't what it is about at all.  For me getting a gift says "I was thinking about you when you were not around and I know you well enough to know that you would love this".  And for me giving a gift is the same thing, it is seeing something that reminds me of you and getting it for you as a token of my love for who you are.   

So you can bet how much I love Christmas.  But its probably not like what you think.  I love the traditions of Christmas, I love the tree and the baking and spending time with your loved ones.  And I do love shopping for the perfect present.  What I don't like is what black friday is to so many people, what the retailers have made it. 

My family, like many families live on a budget, and that includes Christmas.  I have shared in previous posts but I will share here that we only give each other three gifts at Christmas - something you want, something you need, and we each draw names so that the children can get in on the fun as well.  The something you want tends to be the big present for the kiddos, the something  you need tends to be something like new shoes, clothes, etc. and then the name draw is a smaller present but the kids absolutely LOVE getting to shop and what the pick is priceless.

So I'm pretty much done shopping, I need to get a few things here and there, we still have to shop for my husband's family but their name pulling tradition has prevented us from doing it yet. 

And then rolls around black friday.  Perhaps you LOVE black friday?  You look forward to it every year.  I've shopped it in the past, never at 3 a.m., never camping out, but I've gone.  I enjoy Target's cheap DVDs because my husband loves to watch movies and they make great stocking stuffers.  But ultimately I do not like what Black Friday represents, the need to buy more because you think you're getting a great deal and ultimately, what the retailers hope, is spending more too. 

If you have to put an item on credit and spend the next six months paying 16% interest on your purchase that deal is not a deal. 

If you're buying to get the most possible under the tree what are you really doing?  And what message are you sending?  I can spend $100 on ten gifts that will be quickly forgotten, broken, lost or I can spend $65  on that one very wanted Harry Potter Lego set and save $45 to put towards groceries, the braces fund, a rainy day.  My son will only have one present to open but guess what will get more use and is a better value. 

So I've decided that instead of going out with my inlaws on black friday like they love to do I am going to stay at home with my children and make ginger bread houses.  I'm going to block black friday and the unnecessary spending.  And instead I'm going to gain a new tradition with my kids.  I think I've made a priceless trade. 

we can learn at home

Today we had so much fun practicing the letter A, we read books, did patterns, put together a puzzles, did apples biggest to smallest and painted with do a dots - seriously those bingo ladies are on to something!!! 

I've never played with do-a-dots before but I got them at Micheal's and was pleasantly surprised.  They were easy enough for my 2-year old to use but entertaining for my 4 year old too. As you can see from the picture they are nice and big and easy for the smaller hands to grasp and manipulate.  

I think I'll make a turkey sheet that they can decorate with do-a-dots next week. 

But today reassured me that yes I can teach my children and it can be fun.  We had a blast hanging out together doing this stuff and I felt so good when we finished.  I'm super excited for next week when we focus on what we are thankful for.  Even my oldest who goes to a public school is excited to be off next Wednesday to do "school" with us!

the best laid plans...

What's the saying?  The best laid plans of mice and men? 


Today we were going to start homeschooling with the letter A and an apple theme.  Books were ready, activities set.  Yup, that's what we were going to do. 

Until I drove my middle son to the ER at midnight due to an asthma attack we couldn't couldn't control.  And then had to stay there for three hours free and clear of symptoms before we were allowed to go home. 

Thank God, he's okay.  Asthma is scary and frustrating.  The ER is scary and frustrating, especially about 2:30 a.m. 

But he's tired today, and super croaky.  And he didn't have any energy and neither did I. 

But it's okay but today made me realize a couple of things.  Being at the ER stunk but at no point was I worried about either having to call in to work the next morning or how tired I would be the next day.  Or having to pay for childcare days I couldn't use because he was sick.  Or taking him somewhere where he'd be exposed to more germs and potentially make him sicker while his immune system was already down. 

Nope, none of those thoughts crossed my mind because family comes first right now.  And I love that.  I cannot go back in twenty years and give my children the childhood I wished I had given them, now is the time, the only time, I have to do it right, the way I want to, the way they want me to. 

Because it is on the good days that we make memories, it is on the bad that we use those memories to heal our hurts. 

Giving presents vs being present

I'm a huge fan of just spending time with my kiddos, I think is insanely important and just as much a gift to me as it is to them.  And I know that in 20 years my son isn't going to say, "so my mom got me haggrid's hut lego set for Christmas when I was 8 and it was AWESOME, she is the best mom ever".  However, I'd like to think he'll remember the time we spent together and the traditions that we did year after year.

So a few years ago my husband and I set up a few "rules" about Christmas to try and make it more about the time together than what's under the tree.  We only give each kid (and each other) three presents.  1. Something you want 2. Something you need 3. All five of us draw each other's names and pick a special present for that person, that gets the kids involved and thinking about other people and then of course Santa always brings something too but I cannot control that man, I mean really, who can so what he does is his business.

http://twelvecraftstillchristmas.blogspot.com/

And while that is all great fun I'd like to start including more tradition type activities in to our life.  So I think Elf on a Shelf will be making an appearance this year and making mischief for the month of December.  And I'd like to dedicate one day in December to making the same thing every year, i.e. popcorn balls, cookies, something, and then have the kids wrap and give them out every year to teachers, neighbor's etc.  (something we've done in the past but never the same thing, making a day of it, etc.)

So with traditions fresh on my brain I was wicked excited when one of my very favorite blogs, Telve Crafts Till Christmas, announced that for the next two weeks or so she will be having guest bloggers share their family's traditions!  I encourage you to stop by, read up and maybe you'll find something just for your family.  






So, what's your tradition?

Gratitude - days 2 - 5

I knew it was too much to think that I could keep up here, so I will catch up instead:

Day 2
Today I am thankful for brothers.

Crossing the street today my hands were full with groceries and J.  The boys took each other's hand to cross the road without having to be told, without complaining, they just did it.  I am blessed that my kids have such a good relationship.

Day 3
Today I am thankful for my dog, for as much as he drives me up the wall with his bad habits and his general mischievousness, he truly is a good dog.  He's funny and spunky.  But most of all he loves each kid to pieces, he is amazing with them and super loyal to each of them.  If they are having a bad day, are sick or just need some general love he is there.  And if they chase him around, pull his tail and generally annoy him, he is still there.

Day 4
Today I am thankful friends.  I am thankful for old friends, I am thankful for new friends.  I am thankful for friends that I see all the time and friends that I never get to see.

I have one of the most amazing bunch of friends, they come from all walks of life, more often than not they have children, but not all of them.  Some are older than me, some are younger.  Some work, some stay home, some do one and wish they were doing the other.  Some have husbands, some do not.  Some have watched my children for me.  Some have seen how messy my house can get and don't care.  Some have brought me meals to celebrate births or help out during a hard time.  Some shoulder's I have cried on, some have cried on mine.  Some I've prayed with, all I've laughed with.  We've gone shopping together, we've knitted together, we've made our children play together so we could have some adult time.  Some I've volunteered with, some I've worked with.  You've helped me when I'm trying to raise awareness or money or something else for a cause.  You've bought school fundraisers from my children.

But what makes each and every one of you amazing and such a blessing in my life is that at your core is a phenomenal women, with a loving, supportive, awesome heart.   At your core is someone I strive to be.

I love you guys, thanks for loving on me.

Day 5
Today I am thankful humor.  Humor gets me through most situations, anyone who knows me knows I love to poke fun at things.  It is just who I am.  But I especially love that which shouldn't be funny yet is (Headlines anyone?)

Today John was sexing the mic, they're getting a little frisky and we needed to separate the genders.  (for anyone who doesn't know we are on our third litter, littler 2 and 3 are from sister from the first litter and only 3 days apart in age, we currently have 13 babies)  We looked last week but didn't separate because they were still nursing.  Well the boys are naughty and feisty and one bit John.  To which John instinctively flipped his hand and shot this poor little mouse in to the pantry.  T caught the baby no problem and he was fine.

So today John brings out the babies to officially sex them and J tells him in her 2 year old wisdom, "Don't drop baby mice over there (pointing at the pantry) k dad?"

30 days of gratitude

So I've started a project on facebook - 30 days of gratitude, I thought I would try to keep up with it here too, but no promises! 

Today I am thankful that back rubs are still much loved activities in my house and that they cure boo-boos as well as put little ones to sleep.  There is something so therapeutic about rubbing a little one's back, for both of us.   

When my daughter fell asleep in my lap while I was rubbing her back today it also gave me time to think.  I'm excited to start homeschooling.  We're going to start next week, I've purchased calendars and letter and number posters, I've checked out a bunch of books for the letter A from the library as well as some general resources about homeschooling.  I purchased a rockin A-Z curriculum from Confessions of a Homeschooler for only $10!  Seriously, even if you don't homeschool but have young kiddos at home $10 is a wicked good deal!  I'm going to try to sew each kiddo their own pillow to sit on while we do calendar and cuddle on while we read together. 

I also looked at fun things at Micheal's that I want to get but I didn't have my 40% off coupon because my Sunday paper was delivered yesterday - dude!

The Motions (part 2 of 2)

I don't want to spend my whole life asking
What if I had given everything
Instead of going through the motions?

Recently I was contacted by a woman at MOPS wanting to know if one of my comments on their facebook page could be used in an upcoming article.  Sure!  She then followed up though with another question, what was the greatest issue I was currently facing as a Mom?  hmmm.... here's what I said: Current mothering issue: Patience - not letting the frustrations of other things in my life (i.e. running my own business) get taken out on them. Trying to make sure the get the best me, not just what's left over.

I totally didn't write that.  God wrote that through me.  I read what I had written and went whoa.  Not just what's left over...  Ouch.

So that has been rolling around in my brain, hitting some old issues, finding some new, touching a couple of nerves.  And I feel God leading me to teaching my children, to homeschooling my children.  Uhhhhh, okay.  My oldest is happy where he is and goes to a really great school, we are really blessed.  But I look at my younger two and think they could really benefit from more. 

So I got to thinking about it.  For two hours a day we can turn off the tv and the video games and the cell phones and the computers.  And we can be together and work on some things and have some fun and learn together.  And the more I think about it the less scary and hard it seems.  There are great resources out there, one I have been happily stalking is Confessions of a Homeschooler.  We have a great library where I can pick up books weekly to relate to the letter we are studying.  We can work on memory verses!  And we can even plan field trips and activities around what we are working on at home.  With an hour or two of planning a week we can do this!  I can do this.  An hour or two a week and lots of prayer that is.  Because I'm not doing this for me and I'm not doing this for my children, I'm doing this for the glory of God, by the grace of God.

So get ready for me to blog about my adventures and probably mis-adventures doing this.  And if God is calling you to do more than just the motions, listen to Him, hear what he wants, there is goodness in his glory and he will never bring you to something without bringing you through it.   

The Motions (part 1 of 2)

This might hurt, its not safe
But I know I've gotta make a change
I don't care if I break
At least I'll be feeling something 
'Cause just okay is not enough
(Matthew West - The Motions)

Let me say this, going through the motions is one of the hardest things to avoid doing.  It is so easy to get caught up in the day-to-day and just accept the "okay" and keep on keeping on.  I'm guilty of that.  I'm guilty of letting my world be small, I'm guilty of letting excuses be acceptable, I'm guilty of just putting my head down and hoping it is hard enough to get through the daily tasks with minimal damage. 

But I feel God working on my heart.  I hear him saying that its not enough.  And I know that He is right.

But its not easy.  One thing that is heavy on my heart is the need to find a church that fills me spiritually.  I know that sounds like a no-brainer and it should be.  If the church you are going to isn't meeting your needs find one that is.  When we moved here almost five years ago I didn't realize that the expectation would be for us to attend the same church that my husband's parents do.  I should have known this, I blame it on the brain loss associated with pregnancy and birth.  But while my husband easily fell back in to the routine of being in the church he was raised in I sit in church praying for my daughter to act up enough so that we can go walk the halls instead of having to listen to a sermon that does nothing for me. 

So why don't you just go to a new church?  Because I'm scared.  I'm scared of the recourse from his family, the judgment, the distance they will place, which I know sounds dramatic right?  But they are strong in their belief that their religion is the one true religion and all others are inferior.  And I've tried, I joined the Mom's group, I volunteered, I taught, but my beliefs, my ideology, does not match theirs and I do not feel at home with the people there.

But I hear the Lord.  I know He loves me.  I know that He will not put distance between us because of my choice, I know He won't judge me.  I know I am his princess and He wants me to be where He and I can have the best possible relationship.  I know that He didn't send his only Son to die so that I could make my mother-in-law happy.

Can you relate?  Is God working on your heart?  Can you hear Him but still feel scared?  uncertain? 

I feel him working on my heart, I see where he wants me to go, and Lord be with me as I jump, be my soft place to land.  Be whoever is reading this, be their soft place to land.

Can you deal?

So.  I’m sure that any of you on facebook have seen issue with the recent rash of suicides by teens that are gay and bullied.  It has gone pretty viral with some big name celebrities speaking out, bloggers speaking out, etc. 

And as a Mom I look at my three children and I pray that if they are ever in that situation that they would come to me, they would go to someone, and get help.  Because it does get better but I was a teen once too and I remember how absolute life felt, how big my emotions were. 

And then I signed in to facebook today and this was one of my “friend’s” status:

Suicide because of BULLYING? Who does that?!.....what is wrong with this generation of kids that they cannot DEAL?!

They cannot deal?  Well, what do they have to deal with? 

I think the viral nature of how youth communicates now is like nothing we experienced in school.  I had a pager, I was soooooo cool.  There was no facebook, there was no myspace, no one went out and made their own website, having an email address was a big deal at that point in the game.  Forget cell phones and text messaging, it just didn’t happen folks. 

Not anymore, if I need to talk to one of my clients who happens to be a high school senior, I text them.  I also text my husband, my mom, my dad, my friends, my clients, stores to get discounts…  information is instantaneous and easily shared with anyone. 

When I was in high school if I was bullied it was by one or two people and I saw there face, knew their name, had to sit next to them in English and pass them in the halls. 

Now anyone can put anything online.  Who  you are, who you are not, it is all fair game.  And here’s the kicker, anyone can see that information that you OR someone else posts about you and they can comment on it.  With complete anonymity.  And what they say may be the truth, it may be an utter lie.  No one is policing it, no one is preventing it from happening. 

So yeah, I get it.  Some teens cannot deal.  Because growing up is hard.  Growing up gay can only be harder.  An you know what, my heart positively breaks for how alone and degraded some of those children must feel, at a time when they’re already so confused. 

mom with camera...

So most of you are probably not deeply invested in the photography world.  I realize this.  So let me see if I a can articulately explain my thoughts...

But just like in any other industry there are the super popular rockstars, those of us happily making a living and those who wish to be super popular rockstars but fail to recognize that owning a camera no more makes you a photographer than owning a wrench makes me a mechanistic

So why do I mention this?  Because recently a fairly popular photographer turned web entrepreneur who has felt that some professional photographers are unfairly bashing the "moms with camera" crowd.  Who are the "moms with camera" crowd you ask?  Typically someone who drops a couple hundred dollars on an entry level DSLR and starts a photography business without the basic understanding of how to run a camera outside of auto.  The issue with this crowd is that they typically offer a sub-par version of the moon for peanuts undermining the entire value of profession.  It can be frustrating but honestly not something I lose sleep over. 

So what's my issue?  Not this individuals defense of Moms with Cameras, not at all.  We all need to start somewhere and Lord knows I have grown leaps and bounds in the past four years.  Is was the fact that she took issue with professional photographers and felt that she had to attack them to defend her stance.

In fact, she implied that if you were a mom and a successful professional photographer that you were ignoring your children, doing a poor job of mothering if you will.  That in fact, you could not be both and do both well. 

Whoa.  Hold the phone.

So someone who made 100K her first year in photography is telling me that because I am successful I am ignoring my children?  And that moms who don't make their photography business successful are instead better moms.  Say what? Wait a minute.

Now I don't really think this is what she meant, but she said this, I believe to make a point. 

But I found it offensive.  So you have just written in defense of the moms who are being bashed only to bash those of us who work to put food on our table for our children?

Let me just say this - mothering is hard.  Mothering is harder than being a Doctor, mothering is harder than being the President of the United States, Mothering has no job description that accurately describes what truly goes on, day in and day out, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. 

And for me personally, for me to think that I am a good mom I make an effort to spend time with my children, reading, play, having fun and loving together, I cook my family dinner 90% of the time, from scratch and I try to let them learn their own way, find their place in this world.  But some days I have to put on a movie so I can finish a project and some days we ignore work and spend the day exploring new parks and baking cookies.  I don't think that either of those things make me a good or bad mother, they are just a part of how my life fits together to make me the mother I want to be, to make me the business woman I want to be.

So ultimately I feel like I have missed something,  I have missed the do unto others part of this issue.  But this issue isn't about being a good photographer or being a good mother, and the attacks shouldn't be as such, this is about treating our fellow human beings with respect and love, something we could use a little more of.

A funny thing happened...

So a year ago I lost my best friend of 12+ years.  She didn't die, she didn't leave the country, she in fact still live about 35 minutes from my house.  A long story short I feel like I became the scapegoat in a really bad situation and now she doesn't talk to me. 

And let me tell you, it was painful.  My heart hurt for months.  I was so close to her and I thought there was no way I'd ever find a friend as wonderful and amazing as she was was.  I thought there was no way God would give me someone like that in my life again - I truly thought she was a once-in-a-lifetime friend. 

And I was right - God didn't give me a friend as amazing as she was, He gave me a whole group of them.  Friends that love me, friends that support me and make me laugh.  Friends that make me count my blessings every day. 

What an amazing reminder to trust in the Lord, be faithful, to remember that He loves us and will always provide us with what we need.  It is as the Bible says, Matthew 18:12-14, “What do you think? If a man owns a hundred sheep, and one of them wanders away, will he not leave the ninety-nine on the hills and go to look for the one that wandered off? And if he finds it, I tell you the truth, he is happier about that one sheep than about the ninety-nine that did not wander off. In the same way your Father in heaven is not willing that any of these little ones should be lost.”

Broken Hearted

Today I have a broken heart.  It is heavy.  It is sad

Days like this I do not understand.  I do not understand why one of set of friends wrote to say the birth mom wanted her baby back and they are again without a child.  I do not understand why another has given birth to one who has gone to heaven and is waiting to give birth to another so she can join her sister. 

And so God, I'm mad at you at you today but I know you're big enough to handle it.  I don't know why you did this.  I don't know what lesson we're learning from all of this.  But all I can do is pray.  Please pray with me, there are some families out there tonight who really need it. 

Facebook Isn't Real Life

I like facebook, I truly do.  It is a great social networking tool.  It is a place where I can reconnect with old friends, make new ones, post about my day, see what you're doing today, share pictures, request recommendations for piano teachers or good books to read.  It is a place where friends asks for prayer and vent about the guy who cut them off on the freeway.

 Just this week I saw what outfit my friend's daughter picked to wear to her first day of middle school, got inspired to try a bento box for my son's lunches, got photography inspiration, learned about the little boy my friends are trying to adopt and shared a good laugh over numerous quirky children-isms.

But here's the thing.  Facebook does not replace day-to-day interactions, it is not as good as hug, is does not replace lunch with the girls, it cannot be that hand to hold during the scary times, facebook cannot replace relationships.  Facebook is not real life.

So before you post something about how much your employees suck or the narrow-brained thing your husband did take a deep breath, or five.  And ask yourself, are you replacing real life with a facebook post?  Are your employees your friends?  Is your spouse your friend?  Are your children your friend?  Would you say what you just posted to their face if they were standing in front of you?

Because friend, facebook is not real life.

Adventures in Potty Training

So, are you a mom who has had potty training adventures and misadventures?   I thought you would enjoy this




Today we went to the park and four year old had to go potty.  Now I despise public restrooms, I just do and the thought of a port-o-potty, especially one where I've watched numerous construction workers stop and use, bleech. 

So I said "okay buddy, just go pee on the tree" because there is no one else at the park. Following directions mildly well my son walks over to the grass, drops drawers and just pees in the grass, which is fine until I realize hiding behind a tree is a truck with some guy in it getting ready to use the potty and while we can barely see him he has full view of my son relieving himself. I laughed so hard. 

And of course not to be outdone my daughter tells me 20 minutes later she has to go potty in the grass. So making sure there's really no one there she gets naked from the waist down, holds her imaginary penis and pees in the grass too. Some day I will miss these days.

Making Agreements

I'm currently reading "Walking with God" by John Eldredge.  It is a fantastic book, it truly is.  I am writing in the margins, underling, starring things.  I love it. 

One things that the book talks about is agreements, or I have started calling them consessions, that we have made with the enemy.  Now stay with me, even if you're not a Christian I bet you can relate to what I'm about to say. 

These consessions are the things we say to ourselves in our head, maybe they're what keep us up at night and maybe you don't even know we've entered in to it. 

Can you relate to any of these?
I'll never have any friends, I'm not outgoing enough.
If I just lost 10lbs people would like me.
I will never get the promotion at work, I'm just not good enough. 
Its okay to be treated badly by this person, they've had it rough, they don't know any better. 

And the Enemy wants you to make these consessions, because the more you do the father from God you become.  And even if you don't believe in God, can you honestly say that these thoughts, ideas, beliefs, are doing you any good?  Making you feel any better about yourself?  

I realized this week that over the past four years I have been making an agreement.  That "friends" that treat you badly are better than no friends at all.  I'm so worried that I'll be alone, that no one will like me, that I've been putting up with people that don't hold the same ideals as me, that don't respect me, because I had made the assumption that it was better than the alternative.

But suddenly this week (and maybe longer) I'm starting to notice things in a different light.  That email that pokes fun at a tradegy, not funny.  The assertion that just because someone hates her husband or being around her children that everyone must, not true and frankly insulting.  The need to drink until drunk at every event, not enjoyable, not how I want to spend my time. 

The even bigger awakening?  I have friends, I have amazing, wonderful, wouldn't trade for the world, would do anything for friends.  That I don't have to have this person or her followers in my life and I will be okay.  So I did it, I cut the strings that tied me to her and I feel so free. 

Have you felt freedom recently?

Finding Joy vs Finding Fillers

Do you have joyous people in your life?  You know the ones that are just so passionate about something, so filled with joy about something, so full of life?  I have been blessed with many people like that in my lives, people that are passionate about God, people who are passionate about their nonprofit, people who are passionate about their children, and even people who are happy just because.  And being around these people is awe inspiring, and it is encouraging, and it fills your cup with that something-something that you need.

And then there are people out there that seem so full of life but when you get past their exterior you realize they're just creating a life full of fillers.  They're not happy, they haven't found their joy, and at the end of the day they have to project that unhappiness on to you because they just don't know any other way.  They're unhappy in their marriage, their kids drive them nuts all the time, they hate their job, and because of that YOU must be unhappy in your marriage too, and YOUR kids must drive you nuts too, and YOU must hate your job too.

And so instead of finding joy in their life, they find fillers.  They fill their life up with unimportant, potentially harmful things they leave them completely empty.  They drink.  They shop.  They step out on a spouse.  They watch too much t.v.  They eat too much.  They spend too much. But they never stop and ask what would truly make them happy.

And they're not just unhappy, they want you to be unhappy too.  They must project their fillers, their unhappiness, their insecurities on to you.  Because if their husband isn't helpful, then how could yours be?  And if they're not happy being home with their children how can you be?  Having multiple children close in ages overwhelms them, you must not be able to handle it.

Now don't get me wrong, I don't have a perfect marriage, my kids drive me nuts, I like to watch t.v. sometimes or go shopping and buy something I LOVE but don't need.  But at my core, what fills my cup are my children, are my friends, is reading the word of God, of loving and being loved.

And I ask what is filling your cup?

I can't keep up

I recently heard a mom say that.  She was tired, she was frustrated and one little act on the part of her children brought her to tears.  It wasn't about the act itself, it was what it represented, this greater feeling of trying to do it all and not having the time, energy, ability.

Sound or feel familiar?  It sure did for me.

No matter how hard I try, no matter how much I attempt to keep up with my children they put things in electrical sockets, write on the wall, take off all their clothes and run around the house naked (okay, maybe just one of them...), go down the slide in to the 12 ft end of the pool when they can't swim and have to have the lifeguard pull them out, or stuff as many marshmellows in their mouth as they can because they wanted a "snack", and a whole slew of things I'm sure I don't even know about.

But here is what I think is the kicker on this subject.  Just as I know some of you are nodding along, mentally adding your own personal stories, I can hear the people saying "well I would never let them do that" or "I would never let them get away with that" or "I watch my children better than that".

News flash.  I like my children safe, I do everything in my power to keep them safe but things happen.  I have to use the restroom, I have to blink.  And newsflash, a couple of marshmallows won't ruin my child to a lifetime of obesity and health issues.  And newsflash, anyone who thinks they are a better parent than I, I congratulate them, you probably are, but I'm doing the best I can.

What channel did you end up on?

A couple of weeks ago I pried myself away from the computer early enough to go upstairs, lie in bed and mindlessly watch a tv show.  It doesn't happen often, I normally work well in to the night but that night the stars aligned or something. 

So I picked what I wanted to watch, punched in that channel and settled back to enjoy an hour of not thinking.  The commercial on was about hair care products of some sort or another.

So I sat watching them tell me how I was ruining my hair, and probably my life, by using shampoo and how even blonds (which I'm not) can have shiny hair if you just use this product.  Admittedly I was pretty engrossed, I mean look at how great my hair could look!  And I would probably become a movie star like the movie star vouching for this product and I would feel great and wonderful and all because I figured out I was ruining my hair with shampoo and there is a better product out there!

Brilliant! 

But wait... this commercial has been going on for like 10 minutes a voice in my head said through the awesome hair daze.  What? 

Sure enough, I had type in the wrong number or I had hit the remote and it had gone up or down a channel.  And instead of watching a show I was watching a former 90210 star tell me about my hair.  Huh. 

It was a pretty innocent mistake and pretty easily fixed but I wonder how often in life do we take a small turn, a small detour, so minute we don't even realize we're doing it and yet it is shaping the way we think in ways we never intended.  My hair is fine, no perfect, not movie star quality, but it is fine, there is nothing "wrong" with it.  But I was ready to buy, to spend an extreme amount of money on their non shampoo, what would have happened if I had stayed on that channel for another 10 or 15 minutes?  What is happening to us because we're staying on the detour any longer than we should?

How do you find balance?

I'll admit it.  I'm feeling overwhelmed.  I have three wonderful children that require and deserve more than I feel I can give them and I have my own business that only thrives when I give it my all.

I love both.  I truly do.  In two completely different ways.  But lately work has left me drained, with not a lot for my children.  It makes me sad.  This is not the person I want to be.  This is not the mom I want to be. 

And these feelings are riddled with guilt.  Guilt about what I wish I could give my children.  Guild about what I'm not doing for my business.  Guilt that I'm feeling guilty about both. 

Its a slippery slope my friends.  This guilt is full of other emotions - sadness, jealousy, anger, disapproval, self-doubt... 

And it is also full of what ifs "what if my husband got a better job" or "what if we moved" or "what if I started setting my alarm for 4 a.m. so I could work for 3 solid house before the kids got up..." 

Or what if I accepted that there is no perfect parent, that we're all doing the best we can and at the end of the day that isn't so bad. 

We need to talk?

I'm not a horribly straight forward person, not as much as I would like to be.  I'm working on it, every year I resolve to be better and sometime I am and sometimes I lie awake at 3 a.m. being eaten alive by whatever I'm thinking about it.  Truly it is about 50/50, can go either way.

So here's the thing.  I've got something on my mind.  It it has been on my mind off and on for probably a year or so now.

Its one of those potentially life changing, major change ideas.  But see, the change isn't exactly mine, indirectly it is but its not up to me.

I think this idea has the potential to change our lives, potentially in a really good and much needed way, I'm just not too sure how to approach the topic.  I don't want the other person to go defensive, I want them to hear me out and think about it.

So I've been working on talking to God about it.  See my previous post to see what I mean.

It has been going something like:
Me: God, do you want me to really think about this?
God: yes...
Me: God, do you want me to bring it up to this person?
God: yes...
Me: Now?
God: no, not yet...

*sigh* for as bad as I am at speaking up, I'm even worse at waiting but for this I will listen to God, I will wait, and I will keep asking when is a good time, when he has prepared the other person's heart and  I know in my heart he will let me know.

Houston, I have a Problem

Life is made up of relationships.  I have an intense relationship with my husband, an unconditional relationship my children, a relationship of love and need with my parents, I have relationships with friends that I wish I saw more and some people that I wish I saw less of.  I have relationships with teachers, instructors, doctors, grocers, painters and other professionals.  Yet there is one relationship that I'm embarrassed to admit is not what I'd like it to be.

My relationship with God. 

Frankly it is pretty one-sided.  I sure do talk to Him a lot, but I do not listen.  I do not pause and wait to hear His voice.  I pray, I cry out, I thank Him but rarely do I stop and wait to hear his response.

But I know this is not the place I want to be.  This is not a place of peace or all that our relationship can be.  I want to not only talk to God, but I want him to answer me.  I want him to guide me.  I want to be just as engaged in this relationship as I am with any other.  Perhaps even more.

So I've begun trying to work on being quiet, of just listening, hearing what he has to say.  I ask him his thoughts on a subject, should I do this or that, or I open my Bible and ask him what I should read.  And guess what?  There is a quiet voice whispering back to me, not always, not about everything, but that's okay.  I know God is bringing me through something and he sometimes he needs to tell me something and sometimes he needs me to figure it out in some other way. 

I love Christmas

I know, I know, it is July 17th but truth be told, I love Christmas and I'm already planning for this year's Christmas because I hate the last minute, gotta get it done, no thought put in to it rush that Christmas time can produce.  I like to know that the presents are taken care of with thought and care.  I also like to know that January isn't going to produce a credit card bill we cannot afford. 

So if you're still with me here and haven't written me off as crazy I've decided I want to make a Christmas present for each child this year, maybe even my husband, we'll see.  My most recent love affair with blogs is over at Twelve Crafts till Christmas  She does some really cute things and I love seeing what she is up to!

So for my younger two (who will be 2 and days away from 5) at Christmas time I thinking her mail carrier kit.  Seriously, how cute is this? 

But that leaves my 8 year old.  I'm thinking maybe a pillow pet because you know, advertising works and he'd love one like his brother's.

And despite Elizabeth's funny mussings on her attempt to make one there is not a pattern to be found.

May have to start blog stalking someone else to find one. :)

Merry Christmas everyone.

3D Glasses Required

I hate our HOA.  I truly do.  And hate is not a word I use lightly, I don't say I hate people, food, etc because I think it is just too strong of a word to flippantly throw around.  But my HOA, wow, they invoke such strong reaction from me! 

Earlier this year we got a letter from them.  The cute little swing set that lives in our backyard and has for the past years was contraband, true story.  You're not allowed to erect a 3-swing/1-slide swing set in our neighborhood without PERMISSION.  Say what?

So we jumped through all their hoops, drew up a "plan" for a swingset, got neighborhood signatures, turned it only to have our HOA lose that sucker.  Yup, gone. 

So on the 2nd of July we got a letter, we were instructed to paint our house or possibly incur $100 a day fines, we had 7 days - GO!  So I wrote a letter pleading for more time while we interview painters, pull a couple grand out of thin air and most importantly decide what color we want to paint. 

So today we interviewed the first possible painter.  My only question for them.  Can you paint "our  HOA sucks" on our garage door but only have it visible with 3D glasses? 

Please look for your 3D glasses in our Christmas card this year and happy viewing. 

Peace in chaos - a book review

Life can feel pretty overwhelming some {most} days.  It is a juggling act between running a successful business and being a successful mom.  I've come to realize there are things that help reduce the chaos and things that add to the chaos.

 And so I'm working hard to simplify my life.  Cleaning house on my life so to speak - getting rid of clutter, self-deprecating thoughts, emotionally draining people and adding order where I can. 

One way that I've started to succeed is becoming dependent on lists.  Lists for what to buy at the store, lists for where I want to go in my business and lists that tell me what I have to do today.  So when I picked up Angel Tuccy's book "Lists That Saved My Life" I was in love! 

These lists didn't really save her life but what she speaks to is the balance that they offer.  Despite the awesome hot pink cape I put on every morning I always seem to come up short by the end of the night to fulfill my super mom status. 

And what Angel recognizes is that life as a mom is busy, its crazy, its hectic, its overwhelming and all most of us want is a little balance between the 500 million things pulling us that many different directions. 

So Angel says get it on paper people, don't try to remember everything on your own, set up a system and make it work for you!

And while you're at it, pick up this book, it is awesome, its an easy read and it will provide insight. Angel's humor will keep you laughing and dead-on suggestions may just give you an extra couple minutes for *gasp* yourself a day.  

I'm too busy for you

I was recently privy to a phone conversation between a mother and daughter, at least one side of it, that went something like;

Person answering, "HELLO!?"

Now I'm guessing the other half but I'm thinking it went something like, "Hi, how are you?" 

Person answering, "I'm really BUSY"

Other person, "Oh, well I just have a question for you"

Person answering, "Well ask it quickly because I'm too busy to be on the phone"

um, ouch. 

So why do I relay this conversation to you?  Because my gut reacted to how the person on the receiving end of the "I'm too busy for you" tone and attitude.  That pit in your stomach.  Because truth be told, I was standing right there, and that person, albeit busy, was not doing anything that couldn't have been set down for 2 minutes.  

How often is that the attitude we give, whether we really are busy or not.  Why do we make simple tasks equivalent to putting out forest fires?  And if we are truly so busy we cannot stop and have pleasant, decent conversation with another human being, what have we allowed to fill our lives? 

Life doesn't come with an easy button

Shocking, I know.  But somehow in the grand scheme of things God never said "let there be light and hey, here's an easy button for those tough days"  It must have slipped His mind.

Today was one of "those days" you know the daughter doesn't want to dance at dance class, son has an upset can't-be-more-than-5-feet-from-the-bathroom tummy, other son feels especially ignored and subsequently cries at all the injustices he has been dealt today kind of day.  And when I'm pretty sure I'm at the end of my rope

I have to make a phone call I don't want to make.


And its not because I have to deliver bad news or discuss something uncomfortable it is because I know this person uses words to express their less than stellar view of me. 

Perhaps you know this person?  They don't come out and just say, "hey, I don't like you" but instead like a magician and their slight of hand they use their slight of word to let you know just where you fall in their opinion of you.  And maybe I would think I'm taking the conversation the wrong way except every.single.conversation contains these below the belt hits.

And today was no exception, I picked up the phone already feeling exhausted from the day, I hung up the phone feeling slighted and low. 

I think I'm going to go press my easy button now, assuming that wasn't my daughter just flushing it down the toilet... 

I need a blog..

So I recently read a blog and her tag line was "I need a blog like I need another kid". Um, yeah, I can relate to that. I have three kids, I run my own business, I've secretly been working towards something that like two people know about. Yeah, like I need a freakin blog.

And yet...

I have thoughts, ideas, reflections that exceed my tweet limit or even my facebook status update limit. Reflections about just why I don't have time to have a blog, reflections about my children, my family, my extended family, my business and all that other stuff that happens during any God-given day.

So here I am, no longer writing posts only in my head to never be read by anyone but my other personalities or my facebook friends when I manage to cram too many thoughts in too little of a space. Luck you.

And finally, why am I allergic to lightening? I'm not, I actually love lightening. My middle son, who is four but swears he is 100, during a recent storm told me, "I'm allergic to lightening, it makes me sneeze" And while I'm not allergic to lightening there are things beyond my control that certainly rub me the wrong way too buddy, I can relate.